So, some new guy who doesn’t even know how to properly use a comma gets to interview the General Manager of the Braves. Meanwhile, I’ve been doing this since 1998. I was blogging before “blog” was a word, if indeed it really is a word, and I have my doubts. I used to get up every morning and walk five miles in the snow to hand-code Braves Journal entries, which nobody but me read, because only sixteen people had the Internet then and our modems were only 4800 Baud and…
Okay, I exaggerate. Anyway, I want an interview with John Schuerholz. Or at least a book, when his comes out. I’m a librarian! I know books! Make me part of the press tour! Sure, I seem ornery occasionally but in fact I’m very malleable and have almost no shame at all.
So why haven’t I gotten an interview? Well, for one thing I haven’t actually asked for one, because I don’t know who to ask. Probably John Schuerholz has never heard of me. If he has, he has reasons for me to be upset, such as:
1. Me making fun of his son, calling him “L’il’ Jonny Schuerholz” and pointing out that he was named after Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
2. Constantly reversing the “e” and the “u” in his last name because I can never remember which comes first.
3. This picture:
I was very bitter at the time.
4. This post, in which I call for his dismissal, question his sanity, and call him an “incredible idiot”. Though at least I spelled his name right.
Still, if Dave can interview Oprah, anything’s possible.