Los Angeles, Spanish for “The Angels“, is technically the nation’s second-largest city and metropolitan area, but is really more of a place where a whole lot of people happen to live than an actual municipality. The borders of the L.A. metropolitan area are indistinct and at times reach into several adjoining states and the sovereign nation of Mexico. This explains why the city’s other baseball team is in Anaheim and its football teams are in Oakland and St. Louis.
The city’s primary industry is entertainment, divided into the film industry, which is supported by $10 movie tickets and $7 cokes, the television industry, which is supported by cable subscriptions and inexplicable donations by large multinational corporations in order to get television networks to show short films produced on their behalf which nobody watches “Advertising”, and the music industry, which does not currently exist. The city’s second most important industry is restaurants, which employ 93 percent of the people who work in the entertainment industry. It is estimated that every 17 minutes, a patron at a Los Angeles restaurant walks out without ever having received his meal, as his server neglected to enter it after receiving a callback for a role as a corpse on a CSI.
The most popular hobbies for Los Angelinos include tanning, spray tanning, bleaching, dieting, binging, purging, plastic surgery, joining cults, talking loudly on Bluetooth headsets, and rioting. The tallest building in Los Angeles is known as the Library Tower even though nobody in Los Angeles has ever been seen with a book.
Los Angeles is noted for its many highways, which enable residents to reach their destinations by automobile almost as quickly as they could have walked. The city also maintains an extensive subway system, which is primarily used by filmmakers shooting movies set in New York. The most important bodies of water in the Los Angeles area are the Los Angeles River, which is a concrete drainage ditch with no fluid in it and is mostly used to film drag races for movies, and the Salton Sea, which is primarily made up of industrial pollutants.
The most popular professional athletes in Los Angeles are a rapist and an autistic savant. The most popular and important amateur athlete in Los Angeles history is a double murderer; the most popular and important amateur athlete of the last decade in Los Angeles took a pay cut after being the second pick in the National Football League draft and currently backs up an undrafted free agent from the University of Illinois.
The official state animal of California is the little yappy dog that fits in a small purse.