Minnesota, the only U.S. state which is technically part of the Scandinavian peninsula, is known as the “Land of 10,000 Lakes”, all of which are frozen. It was easy to count the lakes as there is nothing else to do in Minnesota.
The state’s largest city is Minneapolis, literally “Minne City”, and its second-largest is the adjoining state capital of St. Paul. Most of the state’s residents live in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, save for those who have fled the bitter clashes that periodically spring up between the two cities. All Minnesotans, however, are united by their hatred for Iowans. The most famous natives of Minneapolis are Bob Dylan and Prince, from which we can gather that the typical resident of Minneapolis is a musical genius who changes his name, mumbles a lot, and may actually be insane. The most famous native of St. Paul is Peanuts creator Charles Schulz, from which we can gather that the typical resident of St. Paul is a clinically depressed ten-year-old with alopecia. The state’s third-largest city is the Mall of America.
Popular hobbies in Minnesota include ice skating, ice fishing, ice basketball, ice polo, ice hunting, ice swimming, ice chess, losing Super Bowls, and making fun of bad movies. Most Minnesotans are of German or Scandinavian ancestry, and you can just tell. The best-known corporation headquartered in the state is Target, while the state’s largest industry is importing cold air masses from Canada.
The official state food is sausage, while the official state beverage is “anything with alcohol”. The official state bird flew south for the winter and never returned. Minnesota is the only state to elect a professional wrestler as governor, though give Florida time.