Yesterday we tipped our hat to Max Scherzer and pretended like that was an actual, legitimate “stolen base” rather than defensive indifference, but whatever. Today we tip our hat to…
No. No we do not. Stephen Strasburg could literally invent a time machine, go back into history, murder Stalin and Hitler in their cribs while ushering in a thousand years of pristine liberal democracy and we would still not “tip our hat to him.” Some people are simply beneath us.
Sure, the skinny freak followed up Scherzer’s pristine performance with 8 innings of shutout ball of his own, but let’s be honest. They’ve shut down the Braves offense these last two nights primarily by having Preston Tucker and Ryan Flaherty remember who they actually are.
Additionally, Kurt Suzuki hasn’t really found much of a swing yet, Carlos Perez is precisely what you’d imagine a player to be having picked him up from the waiver wire literally after spring training ended, and Ender Inciarte is still abjectly lost at the plate.
On the upside, Neck continues to feign offensive usefulness and Dansbo is still teasing us with a performance of “let’s just pretend last year never happened, ‘kay?”
Foltzenewicczrzdraddrake wasn’t bad, but he was inefficient this time through the Nats order. Which is why he didn’t last past the 5th. I mean, he’s still a’ight and all, but there’s way better trap music out there bruh.
The Braves continue to ride early season production to a run differential that says “they’re actually pretty good,” but once again, let us all sing the song of small sample size theater before we get crazy up in here. The loss drops them back to 6-5, where they are tied with the Nats for 2nd in the East, behind the absurdly fast starting Mets (9-1.)
No, no one actually believes in the Mets’ fast start. Not even Mets fans. It’s 11 games into the season. They will choke. They’re the Mets.
In the 11th game of 1991, Steve Avery went 6 full giving up only 1 run, at Chavez Ravine. The Mike Stanton we still call “Mike” Stanton had a two inning hold, and “Senor Smoke,” Juan Berenguer muddled his way around a hit and a walk in the 9th, even though we led 7-1 by then. If there had been an internet at the time, everyone would have been shouting for Bobby Cox to be fired for running his closer out there in a pointless situation.
The offense was firing on all cylinders. Seven of the eight position players got on base multiple times. Even Mike Heath, who caught that day, and you forgot even so much as ever existed. Only Raffy Belliard failed to get on, going 0-5. But he didn’t strike out or anything, and with Pacman that was actually sort of an offensive outburst.