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01 Apr

HANK STEINBRENNER BUYS METS

After a purchase by Kansas City Royals outfielder Jeff Francoeur fell through due to Francoeur’s inability to determine where the lines for his signature were, New York Mets owners the Wilpon family have agreed to sell a majority stake in the team immediately to New York Yankees co-owner and Senior Vice President Henry G. “Hank” Steinbrenner. Terms were undisclosed but were expected to be in excess of $550 million.

Steinbrenner will not give up his stake in the Yankees or his title of Vice President. This would be a violation of numerous Major League Baseball rules, but according to Commissioner Bud Selig, “What the Hell.”

In a press conference Steinbrenner promised that he would be a “hands-off owner” who would run the Mets “The way my old man taught me”. This includes:

  • Manager Terry Collins will be promoted to executive assistant general manager after the season and replaced by first base coach Mookie Wilson.
  • Pitching coach Dan Warthen will immediately switch jobs with bullpen coach Jon Debus.
  • Complaining that two-year-old Citi Field was “hopelessly outdated”, Steinbrenner announced he had opened discussions with groups in New Jersey and Long Island.
  • The numbers of former Mets Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, Wally Backman, Tim Teufel, Ron Darling, Sid Fernandez, and Rafael Santana will be retired in monthly ceremonies throughout the season.
  • Losses to the Yankees in interleague play will be “unacceptable” and result in firings of “anyone who can be blamed”.
  • Reporters will no longer be allowed access to the clubhouse without written notes from Steinbrenner.
  • Steinbrenner said that General Manager Sandy Alderson is “totally in charge” of all on-field decisions.
  • Steinbrenner stated that the team will now be re-built around speed, as baseball is entering an era where the stolen base will be preeminent.

48 Responses to “HANK STEINBRENNER BUYS METS”

  1. 1
    Smitty Says:

    MLBTR notes that Mike Hampton and Bob Wickman are going to be the new head trainers for the Mets

  2. 2
    sansho1 Says:

    Despite impending throat surgery, Ronan Tynan was inked to a 20-year contract as public address announcer.

  3. 3
    Kevin Lee Says:

    A true gem!
    Glad you stepped up to the challenge, because anything written about the Mets might seem plausible these days.

  4. 4
    rehabreject Says:

    Listening to Chip Caray is like an April Fool’s joke everytime. “Hiiiiiigh fly ball, deep right field … caught by the SS at the edge of the grass! Oh what a play.”

    or that one time in the playoffs… “Line drive base hit! Caught!”

  5. 5
    Johnny Says:

    Funny stuff Mac. I just want to thank you for not writing something like ‘Jayson Heyward needs Tommy John’ or something. I may have had a heart attack.

    Today would have been a perfect day for the Braves to offer Rafael Furcal a contract.

  6. 6
    billy-jay Says:

    Can’t we get Bob Horner as the new strength and conditioning coach or something?

  7. 7
    ryan c Says:

    @4
    It seemed as though Chip was trying to restrain himself on the first broadcast but that’s equally as annoying. If you go back and listen to his call on the Heyward HR he has a massive explosion after the ball clears the fence.

  8. 8
    PeteOrr Says:

    To be fair, I too almost had a massive explosion as a result of the Heyward homerun.

  9. 9
    Alex Remington (Another Alex R.) Says:

    Fun with facts: there have only been 10 players in the history of baseball who drew 90 walks in their first season. It’s a strange list:

    Lu Blue
    Ted Williams
    Eddie Stanky
    Ferris Fain
    Don Lenhardt
    Jim Gilliam
    Dick Howser
    Joe Foy
    Alvin Davis
    Jason Heyward

    Of the other nine, Fain, Gilliam, Stanky, Howser, and Davis were all All-Stars, but Williams was the only Hall of Famer.

    Basically, nearly all but Williams were punchless scrappy types. Heyward’s 18 homers last year is more than all but three of them ever hit in a season. Davis hit 160 home runs in his career and Lenhart hit 22 his rookie year, never again to hit more than 15.

    Essentially, Heyward’s blend of power and patience in his first season is virtually unprecedented. Except, of course, for Ted Williams.

  10. 10
    John Gaines Says:

    I know he’s a big douche, but I really hope Brett Myers sticks it to the Phillies today. And if he doesn’t, I’ll settle for a ball in Victorino’s back.

  11. 11
    DowneasterJC Says:

    I hope the Phillies never win a game all season and Victorino’s double flap helmet becomes fused to his head.

  12. 12
    spike Says:

    Keepin’ it real out in LA –

    http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-giants-fan-beaten,0,6802176.story

  13. 13
    Marc Schneider Says:

    The idea of fandom has really gone too far.

  14. 14
    RobBroad4th Says:

    @12, My buddy is a Giants fan and just moved to LA. He’s going to the game today in a bright orange jumpsuit, Giants jersey, and big goofy Giants hat. He also likes to sneak in liquor and egg on the fans (like he did at Citi-Field games). I’m seriously worried for him.

  15. 15
    spike Says:

    Today is probably the best day to do it – one would hope there would be a bit more security after yesterday. Having said that, while I generally shy away from generalizing fans, Chavez Ravine has been no stranger to this sort of thing for a while now. I’d be worried for him too.

  16. 16
    DowneasterJC Says:

    Hearing these Philly fans boo about calls a foot off the plate from Halladay not being called strikes pokes at a primal anger in the part of me that I like to pretend doesn’t exist.

  17. 17
    DowneasterJC Says:

    Matt Holliday to be out 3-6 weeks with appendectomy.

    http://www.stltoday.com/sports/baseball/professional/cardinal-beat/article_332f9d6a-5c89-11e0-a54e-0019bb30f31a.html

    Also, Phillies bullpen is looking predictably bad, and offense nothing to speak of. I know it’s only one game, but I’m feeling better and better about the Phils being beatable.

  18. 18
    Alex Remington (Another Alex R.) Says:

    Turns out that Manuel probably shouldn’t have yanked Halladay so soon. The Astros have put three runs on the board this inning.

    Their bullpen is going to be a problem this year.

  19. 19
    Marc Schneider Says:

    @9,

    I am reading a book about Joe DiMaggio’s hitting streak and in it he complains about Ted Williams’ willingness to take a walk as compared to himself who would swing at anything he can hit. So I think there has clearly been a change in attitude toward walks (except for Francouer, of course). The idea seemed to be that Williams was being “selfish” by not being willing to go outside the strike zone to try to drive a run in–he was more interested in protecting his batting average. So it’s probably not too surprising that you would not see many sluggers from the past on that list–Williams was more the exception than the rule. Guys that walked a lot were generally the guys with little power just looking to get on base.

    BTW, I just finished another book on DiMaggio called “The Long Vigil” which is supposedly a corrective to the negative portrayals of DiMaggio. But the book is more about has obsession with Marilyn Monroe than it is about baseball. But it is an interesting read.

  20. 20
    Ethan Says:

    Just looking at the Phillies/Braves 25 man rosters and if I were building a team, the combined relative strengths/weaknesses compliment each other well.

    Their: CF, SS, 1B, and rotation
    Our: C, 2B, 3B, LF, RF, and bullpen

    The main difference is that their bullpen is below average and our rotation will be significantly above average. Also, their CF is awesome and ours isn’t, our RF is awesome and theirs isn’t, and our 2B is good and they don’t have one. From there, I think it’s all eye of the beholder, but I definitely like our chances.

  21. 21
    ububba Says:

    #19
    I heard a bit on NPR with the author of the first book you mention. Sounded intriguing.

    All the Mets/Madoff stuff got me curious, so I picked up “No One Would Listen,” the story of Harry Markopolos, the Madoff whistleblower, a guy the SEC pretty much ignored for a decade. Wow.

    It reads a bit like a detective novel & I can totally see this becoming a compelling movie.

    Hang on, Houston…

  22. 22
    Alex Remington (Another Alex R.) Says:

    I hate that you had to call Victorino “awesome,” Ethan, but otherwise I pretty much agree with your analysis. (Shane’s a 3- to 4-win player, so he’s plenty good and a borderline All-Star. Nate McLouth is a borderline major leaguer.)

  23. 23
    spike Says:

    Lyon appears to be on the Phillies payroll so far.

  24. 24
    Alex Remington (Another Alex R.) Says:

    I hate Brandon Lyon. He’s going to blow this game and let the Phillies beat the Astros, AND he’s on my fantasy team.

  25. 25
    Alex Remington (Another Alex R.) Says:

    Brandon Lyon’s results: walk, single, popout, stolen base, single, single…

    Of COURSE the Astros are going to leave him in.

  26. 26
    csg Says:

    #25 – beat me to it

  27. 27
    Ethan Says:

    Damn you Astros.

    AAR- I specifically didn’t call him by name. I fear that CF is going to be our new “1B” for the next few years. That skews your perception a bit. I’m officially out on Jordan Schafer; Stu’s holding the fort by himself.

  28. 28
    csg Says:

    add another single to his list

    5 hits and he’s still out there

  29. 29
    ububba Says:

    Double play, please…

  30. 30
    spike Says:

    4 of the first 5 men get hits, they are miraculously still ahead, and they leave him in.

  31. 31
    spike Says:

    And now, having left him in to blow the save, the only reasonable thing to do is give him a chance to lose it outright.

  32. 32
    ububba Says:

    Well…

  33. 33
    Alex Remington (Another Alex R.) Says:

    Ballgame. Great. Go suck an egg, Brandon Lyon.

  34. 34
    Andrew B Says:

    unbelievable….houston gives it away

  35. 35
    csg Says:

    who is managing Houston? apparently, no one

  36. 36
    spike Says:

    The Gm should just walk down and fire Mills on the spot. That was plain inexcusable. How many chances do they think they are going to get for a road win in Philly?

  37. 37
    spike Says:

    @27, I can tolerate CF being our new 1B a lot more than 1B continuing to be our 1B.

  38. 38
    rehabreject Says:

    @9

    that’s good stuff right there. One of the reasons why I love coming here.

  39. 39
    rehabreject Says:

    Blaine Boyer sighting in the Mets bullpen. How odd.

  40. 40
    Tomas Says:

    Offdays suck this season too.

  41. 41
    RobBroad4th Says:

    I had a healthy break from Chip Caray this offseason, but I’m still debating what’s going to be worse tomorrow: watching the SS feed of the game or listening to the clowns at MASN. Maybe I’ll put the game on mute and listen to Eliza Doolittle’s album (which is infectious and a lot of fun. Great lounge around music.)

  42. 42
    Dan Says:

    Even the Mets own broadcast network hates them:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-3S3iFeI2E

  43. 43
    ryan d Says:

    Here’s a non April fools for everyone:

    Jeff Francoeur had 3 plate appearance and saw 6 pitches going 0-3.

  44. 44
    RobBroad4th Says:

    @42, Nice.

  45. 45
    Stephen in the UAE Says:

    Too bad that Astros could not be useful….but at least Pete Orr came into the game for the Phillies….

  46. 46
    jdpeace Says:

    @43 But he went 4-4 in INTANGIBLES!

  47. 47
    ryan c Says:

    nice insight into the braves’ clubhouse via peanut…
    http://tinyurl.com/3fe6v4j

  48. 48
    sansho1 Says:

    Jeff who?

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