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05 Sep

Obviously doomed game thread: Braves at Phillies, Sept. 5

We should just forfeit and save stress on the pitching staff. What’s the point, anyway? We’re DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!

61 Responses to “Obviously doomed game thread: Braves at Phillies, Sept. 5”

  1. 1
    sdp Says:

    Joey Terdoslavich hit his 52nd double of the season today–a Carolina League record.

  2. 2
    A-Town Says:

    Yeah we’re definitely doomed… we should just the young arms handle it and start the bench players… it’s over!

  3. 3
    John R. Says:

    Pastornicky to Uggla to Terdoslavich. Not quite as euphonious as Tinker to Evers to Chance!

  4. 4
    Smitty Says:

    There is a chance Arizona could catch the Brewers. That would be great for us.

  5. 5
    Sam Hutcheson Says:

    I refuse to ever root for a man who’s name begins with turd.

  6. 6
    Kyle B. Says:

    Say what you want about Hall & Oates, but that’s one hell of a mustache.

  7. 7
    Mac Thomason Says:

    Chipper has “flu-like symptoms”. IE, a hangover.

  8. 8
    Mac Thomason Says:

    Peanut: Jurrjens likely won’t be available for the start of the playoffs. Braves hope Hanson will.

  9. 9
    Frank Says:

    In related news Hooters stock price is up.

  10. 10
    DowneasterJC Says:

    I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain..

    Because if not, come to Tuscaloosa. It’s been going non-stop since at least 8:30 this morning.

  11. 11
    Mr Booze Says:

    I see Scott Procter piched for the Yankees today. He gave up a HR!!

  12. 12
    ryan c Says:

    Braves first basemen in the Minor Leagues that won’t receive Major League time due to Freddie Freeman and his ability to be badass…
    Mauro Gomez- .878 OPS 34 doubles 24HR
    Ernesto Meija- .906 OPS 37 doubles 26HR
    Joe Terd- .864 OPS 52 doubles 20HR
    Chris Garcia- .917OPS 27 doubles 16HR (97 games)
    William Beckwith- .929OPS 13 doubles 3 triples 11HR

    Sure, Mauro, Ernesto, and Garcia are probably career Minor Leaguers at this point but that is some freakin’ production from the 1b position this year across the organization.

  13. 13
    jj3bagger Says:

    I wish a lot of people would look up on BR’s Play Index ‘GP by 3B 39 years old or older and stop giving Chipper shit every time he misses a game.

    As said in Old School ‘that’s what old 3B do, they miss games.’ Something like that.

  14. 14
    jjschiller Says:

    I hope Terdoslovich makes the bigs, leads the league in homers, and gets a Twitter account. Just like Jose Bautista… and instead of @JoeyBats, he can be @JoeyTerds.

  15. 15
    Sam Hutcheson Says:

    Every HR by this player should be called a “Turd Launching.”

    *I realize how juvenile I’m being. Shut up.

  16. 16
    Alex Remington (Another Alex R.) Says:

    To Ryan, from the last thread:

    I saw Sucker Punch, and unlike everyone in the rest of the universe, I didn’t hate it. It was a confused mess of a movie, but as far as I could tell, it was trying to make a point about the sexualization of young women in American pop culture by exploiting the sexualization of women in American pop culture.

    I believe that it’s not an accident that the main character barely speaks in the movie: I think the director is trying to make a point about how sexy young girls in pop culture are used for little more than mute sex appeal. I believe that’s the same reason that none of the girls have names: instead they’re referred to by dismissive diminutives like “Baby Doll” and “Sweet Pea.”

    I also believe that it’s not an accident that virtually every song on the soundtrack — with the exception of “Army of Me” by Björk, a weird song by a weird woman that is apparently kind of sort of about female empowerment — is a cover, and that those cover songs play while the main character is “dancing,” and the dance sequences are basically sci-fi martial arts action sequences that themselves almost function as covers (in other words, homages or ripoffs) of action scenes from Guillermo Del Toro and Robert Rodriguez movies.

    The cover songs on the soundtrack are all based on extraordinarily well-known songs about altered mental states: “Sweet Dreams Are Made of This,” “Where is My Mind?”, “White Rabbit,” “Tomorrow Never Knows”; “Love is the Drug” is the song that rolls over the closing credits. The fact that they’re so well-known, to me, underscores the point that they’re not to be taken seriously: songs that well-known are jarring when recontextualized. They don’t slip into the background, they rush into the foreground.

    In other words… I think that the director, Zack Snyder, was trying to make a subtle satirical point about pop culture by using a blunt instrument of pop culture. It didn’t work, but I thought it was an interesting effort. And I sure as hell enjoyed it better than “Cowboys & Aliens.”

  17. 17
    mravery Says:

    I have no problem with Chipper missing games at this point in the season. Just so long as he stays healthy and “locked in” for the playoff push!

  18. 18
    Smitty Says:

    DOB says the goal is for Hanson to do a rehab start sometime next week with a goal of getting him 1-2 real starts by the end of the year.

  19. 19
    Smitty Says:

    Tennessee hires former FSU AD/ Bama associate AD Dave Hart for the open AD gig

  20. 20
    Bethany Says:

    @16 I think you might be giving Zach Snyder too much credit. He’s not known to be a master of subtlety.

  21. 21
    IthacaBraves Says:

    My brother and I were just discussing whether or not Joey Terd is a prospect. I mean, he’s having a monster year as a 22 year old at high A, but considering he’s in only his second year of pro ball and is a switch hitter it seems reasonable to expect him to reach AAA by the end of next season.

  22. 22
    Ryan c Says:

    Alex, I think you’re giving the movie and the director much more than it deserves.

  23. 23
    Mac Thomason Says:

    Dave Hart was the real AD at Alabama the last few years — Mal Moore is just a fundraiser — and he’s done a good job. I don’t know why we couldn’t hold on to him. I still think Tennessee should have hired me.

  24. 24
    spike Says:

    @21, He’s at league average age, so his stats definitely merit a look. Anything like this at Mississippi and he’ll be on everyone’s radar.

  25. 25
    Bethany Says:

    Oh no.

  26. 26
    NickH Says:

    DOOOOOOOMED! Yeah, needed to do better vs. Pence. there. On the plus side, looks like Lowe is getting good movement on (some) of his pitches.

  27. 27
    John R. Says:

    See, the Phillies don’t let up on a bad pitcher. [/jealous]

  28. 28
    Kyle B. Says:

    Sigh.

  29. 29
    jjschiller Says:

    Well, at least we made Cliff Lee throw 11 pitches in the first. We’ll have a chance against him if Philly sends him out there for the 12th.. or 13th.

  30. 30
    Brian J. Says:

    The hitter with the longest at bat the first time through the lineup was Derek Lowe. I fail to see any way this can be a good sign.

  31. 31
    Bethany Says:

    UUUGH. So close.

  32. 32
    Bethany Says:

    Jesus, Prado.

  33. 33
    Our New Insect Overlords Says:

    Get well, Chipper. Soon.

  34. 34
    Kyle B. Says:

    What happened to Prado there?

    Unearned runs!

  35. 35
    Adam M Says:

    Just checked in… aaaand checking back out.

    Derek Lowe Vs. Cliff Lee is not fair.

  36. 36
    Grst Says:

    That was an old-fashioned Prado right there.

  37. 37
    Brian J. Says:

    Victorino is still a punk.

  38. 38
    IthacaBraves Says:

    Prado simply isn’t adequate at 3rd base on a roster built around ground ball pitchers and run prevention.

  39. 39
    Our New Insect Overlords Says:

    Speaking of inadequate on defense … Diaz is doing his best Klesko impression in the outfield.

  40. 40
    ryan c Says:

    So…Sucker Punch sucks big time, right?

  41. 41
    jjschiller Says:

    Derek “Sucker Punch” Lowe.

  42. 42
    Brian J. Says:

    Look at it this way: we didn’t suffer the bad offensive performance or Lowe’s lousy pitching on a night when either one alone would have sunk us. In other words, it’s just as well that we’re losing 7-0 rather than 1-0 or 7-6.

  43. 43
    desert Says:

    I’m cool with dropping the next six to these guys if it means beating them in the playoffs.

    In fact, I’m fine with doing any number of things if it means beating them in the playoffs.

    Who’s selling their soul today?

    And speaking of souls… it’s quite sad that I’m the only non-mormon any of my mormon friends know. That’s the seventh call I’ve received from Missionaries/the LDS Church in the last month. Oh well, at least they care about my future.

  44. 44
    ASG Says:

    I live in Philly and only see one or two games a season, here and maybe one at the Ted. Dating back to May ’10, I have seen the Braves in person five times including tonight. Four of those have been started by Lowe. He’s gone 0-3 in those starts, and is well on his way to losing tonight. I write this from the subway, because I left in the 4th after Victorino’s 2 run 1B. I can’t watch him anymore.

  45. 45
    Brian J. Says:

    Nice throw by Bourn!

  46. 46
    John R. Says:

    Still some bright sides to this impending loss:

    • We have completely shut down the latter 2/9 of the Phillies lineup, going a combined 0 for 5 with only a sacrifice to their credit. (Hey, if they want to give us an out, let ‘em!)

    • Despite going hitless in his pinch hit appearance, Antoane Richardson is still batting a cool. 500.

    • Scott Linebrink gets a chance to shake some more rust off. We see wild pitches and HBPs, but in reality it’s just a wily veteran getting the yits out as we coast into the playoffs.

    • And Dan Uggla increases his hitting streak to 9 games!!!

  47. 47
    Brian J. Says:

    Uggla on a hitting streak? Ridiculous.

  48. 48
    John R. Says:

    Hey folks, eventually all that rust is gonna be completely shaken off.

  49. 49
    ILoveEmmaStone Says:

    I don’t like this coasting at all. Our offense is anemic right now, period. If we keep up with this we finish five games out in the wild card race. We NEED a sense of urgency

  50. 50
    Our New Insect Overlords Says:

    On the positive side, this performance is only the second ugliest thing on TV tonight. Check out Maryland’s uniforms against Miami on ESPN.

  51. 51
    Brian J. Says:

    50- They’ve got nothing on the monstrosities the Bulldogs played in on Saturday. Actually, I think the jerseys look pretty decent. Don’t think Lord Baltimore’s color scheme really works on a football helmet, though.

  52. 52
    John R. Says:

    Peter Moylan’s first third of an inning goes down smooth. And second third. And third third!

    Go Peter Moylan! I am going to tentatively add this to my list of bright sides.

  53. 53
    John R. Says:

    Does Fredi know that having Jack Wilson on the team liberates one to pinch hit for A-Gon?

    UPDATE: Double play. (Sigh.)

    UPDATE: Ahhh… the master plan includes using Jack Wilson as a pinch hitter for Moylan! Dumb me.

  54. 54
    Brian J. Says:

    Well, that DP tied him for 2nd in the NL this year. Maybe Fredi’s just letting him play for his statistics. (He won’t catch the guy in first place- Albert Pujols is a… slightly better hitter.)

  55. 55
    John R. Says:

    Cliff Lee gets to bat with a comfortable lead in the 8th inning. [/jealous]

    UPDATE: Cliff Lee gets to hit a line drive up the middle with a comfortable lead in the 8th inning. [/screw you Phillies]

  56. 56
    Brian J. Says:

    Vizcaino’s pitching his way out of our postseason plans.

  57. 57
    John R. Says:

    Brian J., I think we’re the only folks still following this game. Yeah, the wheels have kinda come off for Arodys. Hopefully he’ll reassert himself.

  58. 58
    Brian J. Says:

    Kinda hard to blame everyone else, isn’t it?

    Well, two more games after this. Surely they won’t be as bad.

  59. 59
    John R. Says:

    Well, two more games after this. Surely they won’t be as bad.

    Naw, can’t blame someone for using their time more wisely than following a massacre. Unfortunately, I’m working late on Labor Day so I’m triple-tasking, listening to the game and riffing on it.

    I looked at the three matchups this week and thought of all of them this would be the one we’d lose. Lowe disabuses us of the notion that there will some sort of September domination in the offing, so that frees us from having to live with that naive optimism. Still, it would have been nice to rough up Lee at least once. Didn’t happen. And it would have been nice to see Lowe or any of our relievers contain the Phillies offense. Except for Moylan’s one inning, that didn’t happen either.

    My two pet peeves about my favorite baseball team – that our starters never go deep and our offense doesn’t pile up runs on the scoreboard – were shoved back in my face by a team that can do both and do them routinely.

  60. 60
    Nick Says:

    Well, the magic number went down by one today.

  61. 61
    Mac Thomason Says:

    Recapped.

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