Braves Journal, The House That Mac Built

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Braves Journal Glossary

Originally written May of 2004. Make suggestions for additions and edits in current threads…

AAG: Braves shortstop Alex Gonzalez. Short for “Another Alex G.” There were, for a long time, two nearly identical Major League shortstops named Alex Gonzalez, and nobody could keep them straight. Meanwhile, there are two longtime Braves Journal commenters named “Alex R.” and “Another Alex R.”, or “AAR” for short. Put them together, and you get AAG. (Added July 15, 2010.)

ABE: The way that the Braves’ inept offense must score, as opposed to so-called “ABC baseball,” which is often represented as “Get ’em on, get ’em over, get ’em in.” The Braves beat the Rockies 1-0 on September 5, 2012, with the only run in the game scoring when Josh Rutledge threw away a potential double play grounder. In his recap of the game, Smitty wrote: “Our new philosophy to score runs is; Get ‘em on, Get ‘em over, Get ’em to make an error.” (Added September 23, 2012.

ACHE: Stands for Garret Anderson, Cleanup Hitter Extraordinaire. Why Bobby hit his worst hitter hitter cleanup is anyone’s guess. With Chipper out, he started hitting Anderson third. (Added May 25, 2009.)

Atlanta Save (or Braves Save): Any time a reliever pitches the ninth with any lead at all and the Braves win. (Added July 24, 2006, suggested by Smitty.)

Aybad: Our terrible, horrible, no good, very bad shortstop, whom we insisted on receiving in return for Andrelton Simmons, because we didn’t have any other advanced shortstops in the system who could play the position after the Simmons trade. AAR thought he’d be good. As it turned out, other than hitting, fielding, throwing, and baserunning, he was. (Added July 20, 2016, coined by krussell.)

Bad Horacio: Refers to the schizoid pitching of Horacio Ramirez, who is almost never mediocre but instead gives up either two or fewer runs in six plus innings, or five or more in two. The conceit is that there are actually two pitchers, the Good Horacio and the Bad Horacio, and you never know which one has shown up. See Good Horacio. (Added Aug. 7 2006)

Base12: Local nickname of former reliever Antonio Alfonseca, given because he (a) has 12 fingers (also 12 toes) and (b) because even calculated in base 12, his ERA is very high. Generally known as “El Pulpo” (The Octopus) for similar digitary reasons.

Boom-Boom Bobby: 2003 bullpen pyromaniac Roberto Hernandez, given the nickname because every outing seemingly led to offensive explosions featuring lots of extra-base hits. (Nickname stolen from Boom-Boom Beck, a pitcher of the thirties.)

“Both of Them, Count It!”: From a slightly off-color story, which I won’t repeat here, that Andruw Jones told at the Gold Club Trial. (Added Jan. 28, 2011.)

Burn-In-Hell: Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino. Because he should. (Added May 28, 2011.)

Cheryl: Lefthanded reliever George Sherrill, whose specialty is pitching to opposing pitchers. Possibly unfair to women. (Added May 17, 2011.)

DOB: AJC beat writer David O’Brien. Pretty self-explanatory. I pronounce it with a long O, rhyming with “GOB“. We like used to like him. (Added July 25, 2007, edited May 17, 2011.)

Dorn: Statuesque third baseman Chris Johnson. Suggested by JohnWDB, during a conversation of just how much the 2015 Braves resemble the Indians from Major League. (Added April 1, 2015.)

Ealk: An intentional walk. After Smitty. (Added May 18, 2008.)

Episode: When Tim Hudson suddenly loses the ability to get anyone out, to the degree that it is surprising he has full control of his limbs and his bowels, he is having an Episode. Usually in the sixth or seventh inning. (Added January 20, 2007.)

First Names: Some players are known by their first names here. I usually call Andruw and Chipper Jones by theirs for reasons of differentiation. Julio Franco is often “Julio”, a residue of the days when Matt Franco was also on the team. If a guy is around long enough, I usually start calling them by their first name at least part of the time, but not always. John Smoltz is usually “Smoltz”. Among non-players, the manager and pitching coach are usually “Bobby” and “Leo”.

Francoeur, Jeff: AKA Jeffy, The Groundhog, Captain Underpants, Failcoeur, Francout, Out Machine, The Human Out, Whitey Mo Pena, Delta Flight .280 OBP, Stenchy, Stancoeur, Wancoeur, Francine, Fran Fran the GIDP Man, Benchy. (Added July 11, 2009 — V-F Day +1)

Francoeur vs. LaRoche: Kirk vs. Picard with more hair. (Added July 24, 2006, suggested by Brian J.)

Fredo: Wilfredo Ledezma, acquired by the Braves in trade, is usually known as “Wil” for short. I am calling him “Fredo”, after the dim middle brother in the Godfather movies, until he proves something. (Added June 21, 2007)

Free (Player Name): First there was the Free Marcus Giles campaign, which eventually succeeded more than a year after he was demoted to Richmond for hitting a game-winning grand slam homer. None currently active. (Edited July 24 2006)

Furcal Count: The number of DUIs that a player has. After one DUI, you become a target for jokes. After two, you have crossed the Lockhart Line. (Added May 30, 2011.)

Furcal Rule: Reports of a signing are irrelevant. Don’t believe that a player has been added until you see either an official press release, or the picture of them holding up a jersey. After Rafael Furcal, who was all but signed after the 2008 season, only to go back to the Dodgers. And then Ken Griffey Jr. did the same thing. Sometimes called the Furcal/Griffey Rule. (Added Feb. 18, 2009)

Good Horacio: Keeps the ball down and throws strikes. See Bad Horacio. (Added Aug. 7, 2006)

Groundhog, The: Jeff Francoeur, because every time he does anything remotely promising (gets a hit, or even just hits the ball hard) we are seemingly guaranteed six more weeks of him. (Added June 17, 2009)

Grybo: An inherited run. Named after former reliever Kevin Gryboski, who specialized in coming in, allowing one or two runners to score, then getting the needed outs to prevent one of his own men from scoring, thus preserving his ERA while at the same time making other pitchers look worse in comparison. See Triple Grybo (Added July 24, 2006)

Hamster: Backup catcher Abraham “Corky” Miller. Before the 2003 season, I wrote of the declining quality of the backup catchers that “At this rate, in five years the Braves’ reserve catcher will be a hamster.” In Corky Miller, I was proven correct. (Added June 24, 2008)

Hibernation Mode: When the Braves score early runs to take a lead, then completely stop hitting for several innings rather than stretch the lead, often pressuring the bullpen and/or allowing the other team to get back into it. It’s key that they score the early runs — it’s not Hibernation Mode if they’re just getting dominated. (Added June 4, 2008.)

IWOTM: It Was Only The Mets. Sometimes you need to let the air out of a performance a little and remember who it came against. So you threw a complete game, three-hit shutout, but you have to remember that the opponent was only the Mets. (Added August 12, 2012.)

JC’d: To make a comment roughly simultaneously with a new post or game thread going up. Happened to JC Bradbury a lot at one point. (Added May 30, 2011.)

Kali: Not really a nickname, but Tyler Yates’ actual middle name. Also the four-armed Hindu Goddess of Destruction, which is appropriate in his case, because if he comes into the game we’re doomed. (Added Sept. 1, 2006)

Kim Jong-il: A certain Braves reliever.

I’ve heard that when Don Zimmer was managing in Boston, one of their sports radio shows had a policy that nobody was to use his given name but had to refer to him as “Chiang Kai-Shek”. I am imposing a similar policy. From now on, No. 34 of the Braves must be referred to here as “Kim Jong-Il”.

(Added July 24, 2006, suggested by Brian J.)

Kolb, Dan: AKA DANNY, Damn Kolb, Dan “No K” Olb, Dank Lob, Klobber D, Milwaukee’s Worst, The Hurler That Made Milwaukee Shame Us, Dan Dan The Blown Save Man, Reardon II: Electric Walkaloo, Doom Doom Danny, Dan KolBB, Dank Hole, The Can Opener, Suzy Kolb, D*n K*lb, Kolby Cheese, Kolb Pizza, The Nameless One, and That Fat F*ck. (Added July 24, 2006)

Linestink: Reliever Scott Linebrink. Meaning probably obvious. (Added May 17, 2011.)

Llama: Derek Lowe, after Alex R., who said of Lowe that “We’d be better off with a llama starting.” (Added July 14, 2010.)

L’il Jonny: Jonathan Schuerholz, the general manager’s son, who is only in the organization, taking up space and resources that could be used on someone who might actually help the team because of nepotism. (Added Sept. 1, 2006)

L’il Tony: Tony Pena Jr., who can’t hit. After L’il Jonny. (Added Sept. 1, 2006)

Lisp, The: Reliever Cristhian Martinez, who was apparently named by mildly dyslexic parents. (Added June 20, 2010)

(Name Redacted): See Kim Jong-Il. (Added Aug. 4, 2006, suggested by 4Seam)

Natspos: The Washington (D.C.) National League Baseball Club, so called because while they call themselves the Nationals they are actually the Montreal Expos. (Added Aug. 4, 2006)

Peanut: Atlantabraves.com beat writer Mark Bowman. After the Woozle whose name was Peanut, because presumably he’s just a vent figure for Schuerholz and the Braves front office. (Added July 25, 2007.)

Pickles Gus Schlosser. A minor league journeyman who was pressed into service in 2014 after multiple Tommy John surgeries hit the starting rotation. He got his nickname when JJschiller said, “I can’t honestly say I’ve been overwhelmed by my curiosity with ‘what Gus Schlosser can do.’ That might just be because until 3 weeks ago, I’d have guessed he made pickles.” (Added March 28, 2014.)

Pictures: The photographic evidence of Bobby Cox and/or John Scheurholz that Keith Lockhart must have had to keep coming back to Atlanta year after year, despite never playing well. Passed on, seemingly, to Henry Blanco; their current location is unknown but I’d check Pete Orr’s locker. (Edited July 24, 2006)

Pimpbot 16: When Brian McCann was first called up, I looked him up on the internet and noted that there was another “Brian McCann“, who was a writer on the Conan O’Brien show who occasionally made appearances. I noted that he had played “Pimpbot 5000” and said that if McCann stuck (did he ever) I would nickname him Pimpbot whatever-his-jersey-number-was, which turned out to be 16. Hence, Pimpbot 16. (Added Aug. 21, 2008)

Prado: Martin Prado has mastered the ability to make horrible plays on defense without being charged with errors — routine ground balls he waves at, “tough” plays that he botches for no reason, the old reliable bad relay on the double play. This leads to the term “Prado”, which is both a noun and a verb: Prado, n. “an egregious misplay that is not scored an error for some reason.” Prado, v. “To commit a Prado”. … The preceding was written by Mac during Prado’s third season in the majors. He’s really gotten a lot better since then. (Added May 6, 2008, edited September 23, 2012.)

Prepare To Meet Kali (In Hell)!: A quote from the second Indiana Jones movie (the bad one, with the kid and the Dan Aykroyd cameo). Used when Tyler “Kali” Yates enters the game to give up his usual two runs. See Kali. (Added Sept. 1, 2006)

Proctologist: Reliever Scott Proctor. Any Proctor appearance is like having someone stick their finger in places you’d rather they didn’t. (Added May 17, 2011.)

PURE EVIL: The Marlins. Never count the Marlins out. They always seem to be about to fall out of it then they win eight of nine. In 2003, I counted them out three times, plus again in the NLCS, then gave them no chance against the Yankee behemoth (talk about evil) and look what happened. PURE EVIL. Also, Cubs fans should be allowed to hunt Marlins fans for sport but have to get the endangered species tag lifted first. (Added June 14, 2011)

Rally Twins: Kevin Gryboski and Ray King, often used in tandem in 2003 to great effect by the opposition. Generally, King would come in to face a couple of lefties, and walk them. Gryboski would come in to get the double play and only get the “double” part right. Also, part of the supergroup “Boom Boom and the Rally Twins”. (Thanks to Clarke for reminding me.)

Reitsma Room: Adding runs to a lead to make it so large even Chris Reitsma can finish the game. See Atlanta Save. (Added July 24, 2006, suggested by Ububba.)

Silencing His Critics: Mark Bowman (see Peanut), repeatedly, claims that a player is “silencing his critics”, or indeed has “silenced his critics” whenever he has a good week, or manages to pitch through spring training without dying, or hits a home run in an exhibition game, etc. Sometimes he just says that the player is about to silence his critics, or has an opportunity to. (Added May 3, 2008.)

Sloth, The: The former left fielder for the Giants. What’shisname. (Added July 26, 2007.)

Snitkered: To be thrown out on the basepaths, particularly at home, due to third base coach Brian Snitker waiving a player around when only moderately competent outfield play will get them. (Added May 30, 2011.)

Stilladouche: Mark Teixeira. See Teixt, The. (Added January 28, 2011.)

Stinky Pete: Pete Orr, because he stinks. After “Sneaky Pete”; there are several entities by this name, but in this case referring to the Birmingham-area hot dog chain Sneaky Pete’s. (Added Sept. 14, 2007.)

Suits: The geniuses at AOL-Time Warner, who couldn’t leave well enough alone. Set aside their penny-pinching and trying to cut back on the farm system (the first goal of any corporate owner). Their biggest disaster was the 2003 attempt to remake Braves Baseball into “MLB on TBS”, removing the Braves logo and demoting Skip Caray and Pete Van Wieren to radio. The attempt to attract more national viewership (inevitably) failed, while at the same time it drove off Braves fans, and ratings went down. Skip and Pete were back at the All-Star Break and the deBravifying of TBS broadcasts soon died a quiet death.

Teixt, The: A text message that Tim Hudson purportedly sent about Mark Teixeira after Teixeira hit a home run. It read: “STILL A DOUCHE”. From this comment. (Added Jan. 28, 2011.)

Triple Grybo: Coming in with the bases loaded and allowing three runs to score. To truly pull a triple Grybo, a pitcher must “stick the landing” and not allow any runs charged to him to score. See Grybo. (Added April 22, 2008.)

O’Ventbrel: The Braves’ three-headed bullpen monster of Eric O’Flaherty, Jonny Venters, and Craig Kimbrel, who were collectively unhittable in 2011. Venters came back to earth in 2012, but O’Flaherty and Kimbrel were still superb, leading AAR to dub them “O’Flambrel.” (Added Sept. 23, 2012.)

Vulture, The: Reliever Oscar Villareal, who got several long-relief wins in the first part of the 2006 season. (Added Aug. 7, 2006)

WHIL: Well, He Is a Lefty. Explains why so many random 40-year old pitchers keep getting employed. (Added Sept. 23, 2012.)

Yoko Ono: Former Braves shortstop Yunel Escobar, for reasons that are a little too complex to get into right here. In Yoko’s defense, she has never had frosted tips. (Added July 14, 2010.)

Yunel: A baserunning error where an out results due to the player’s own stupidity. After Yunel Escobar, who is doing it a lot lately. (Added Apr. 28, 2009)

Zombie Chipper: Late-period Chipper Jones, who could walk — or stagger, as the case may be — but otherwise just a shell of his former self. Oddly, once I started calling him that, he started hitting better. (Added June 20, 2010)

27 Responses to “Braves Journal Glossary”

  1. 1
    Brian J. Says:

    A couple of more recent additions:

    Kim (or Kim Jong-Il): To quote our esteemed webmaster:

    I’ve heard that when Don Zimmer was managing in Boston, one of their sports radio shows had a policy that nobody was to use his given name but had to refer to him as “Chiang Kai-Shek”. I am imposing a similar policy. From now on, No. 34 of the Braves must be referred to here as “Kim Jong-Il”.

    Francoeur vs. LaRoche: This website’s version of the Israel/ Palestine dispute, and equally insoluble.

    Also noteworthy: There is evidence of “pictures” being used to explain the continued professional existence of Rafael Belliard well before the arrival of Keith Lockhart.

  2. 2
    Smitty Says:

    Dan Kolb- he who won’t be named

  3. 3
    ububba Says:

    And Reitsma Room, which we no longer worry about.

  4. 4
    Smitty Says:

    An Atlanta Save- anytime a pitcher comes in the game in the 9th, with the lead at any amont, and the Braves hold the lead and win.

  5. 5
    Stu Says:

    Seriously…wouldn’t calling it a “Braves Save” make it catchier? Love the concept; think the name could use work.

  6. 6
    4Seam Says:

    From now on (Name Redacted) will refer to Jorge Sosa. Whose horrific play this year managed to overshadow his excellent play last year.

    And Corporations are good when it comes to farm systems, if they decide to keep them. Time Warner was going under because well the people who run the company were Ted Turner and Jane Fonda, which guarantees failure.

    Ted must have “earned” money doing soemthing illegal, no way did he earn his stuff.

  7. 7
    drewdat Says:

    How about simply a “Brave”? Probably too confusing, but I like it better.

  8. 8
    4Seam Says:

    Howabout “The Impossible just happened” or “This violtaes the laws of nature”.

  9. 9
    Grst Says:

    I’d go with “A Brave Finish” for the irony.

  10. 10
    4Seam Says:

    ICE-HOUSE The 8th/9th Inning combos of CHAMPIONS!

  11. 11
    4 Seam Says:

    Snakes on a Plane, a reference to a bad movie intended to draw out some humor, used a lot in the Braves miserable losing season of 2006 to lighten up the room. Occasionally change aroung to “Snakes on Tony Pena Jr.”(Davey) or “Snakes on a Boblsled” etc. to draw out more humor.

    Also used to mock the movie Pulp Fiction and all Samuel L. Jackson Movies.

  12. 12
    4 Seam Says:

    Forrest Gump=Jeff Francouer

  13. 13
    Brian J. Says:

    Judging by recent comments, Drunk Mexican Wrestlers may need to be introduced for TBS/ Turner South cameramen, Player of the Game selectors, and/or broadcasters not named Skip or Pete.

    And Kali is Tyler/ Tyra Yates. How exactly did we settle on that?

  14. 14
    Mac Thomason Says:

    Kali is actually Yates’ middle name.

  15. 15
    awl Says:

    why is francouer called forest gump

  16. 16
    4Seam Says:

    Owl, because he KEEPS RUNNING AND RUNNING DESPITE HIM SEEING A First Baseman going for one of his patented infield two-strike popups RIGHT DOWN THE FIRST BASE LINE and despite him seeing him with his head up and basically STARING at him and having plenty of time to move out of the way HE SLAMS RIGHT INTO HIM AT FULLSPEED…..thats why I called him that. I beleive he ran over Nick Johnson about a month ago. AUG 29 Yep.

  17. 17
    4Seam Says:

    sorry not OWL but awl….

  18. 18
    4Seam Says:

    AND for further clarifications, “Drunk Mexican Wrestlers” came about because one THE FAN/TBS/TS cameramen are horrible and incompetent. Announcers the same. But one of the nights one of the more “popular” camermen named “Smitty” was dressed up as Mexican Wrestler.

    So I refferred to the camermen as being “Drunk Mexican Wrestlers” indicating one their having too much time to dress up like Rey Mysterio Jr. AND them being drunk, indicating their camera “skills”

    Wobbly and in the other direction of the balls flight….

  19. 19
    4Seam Says:

    “THE FSN”

  20. 20
    Josh McCarroll Says:

    Can we get a Rally Killer named after Brian Jordan for all the times he grounded into double plays late in a game?? It was pretty bad when I would rather see him strike out than put the bat on the ball.

  21. 21
    Vulcan Change Says:

    Looks like the 2010 campaign provides ample opportunity for new terms. I propose we start with:

    Lowe Point: When it becomes obvious that a Braves’ starting pitcher has given up too many runs for our anemic offense to overcome; named for Derek, who usually reaches the Lowe Point within the first three innings.

  22. 22
    Ben Says:

    How about “Kannot Winagamey”?

    I also suggest adding “Zombie Chipper”.

  23. 23
    ugalaw06 Says:

    You should add “O’Failurety” to the list. He’s turned out to be a good reliever, but that was a fantastic nickname the first few weeks.

  24. 24
    bigcataholik Says:

    Yes, a player we no longer have, but I’ve always referred to the Maddux as the ‘Other Brent Spiner’. There’s an eerie similarity.

  25. 25
    DG Says:

    Loving the list. Need to fix the spelling on “Pimbot 16” though :).

  26. 26
    DG Says:

    Would suggest adding “Natinals” to the “Natspos” listing in some form or fashion…

  27. 27
    RON BUTLER Says:

    WHY DOESN`T SOME BODY SHOW KIMBELL WITH BRAVES -HOW TO THROW A CHANGE UP. I LIVE IN NFLD CANADA AND HAVE FOLLOWED THE BRAVES SINCE 1953 WHEN WE HAD AMERICAN BASES HERE.

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