WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS – ATLANTA BRAVES (by MikeM)

March 1, 2017 by Alex Remington (Another Alex R.)

Disclaimer to this post. Everything below is a blatant ripoff of Drew Magary’s fine work at Deadspin in his annual Why Your Team Sucks NFL preview. He invented this format that I am stealing, in which he insults the team as much as possible before conceding that they might be okay this year. He is a professional writer and very…

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Putative Humor

Braves Panicked After League Says They Must Field a Major League Team in 2016

November 15, 2015 by 'Rissa

November 15, 2015
VOL 72 ISSUE 45
Sports · Local

Coppolella_John_720_as4cagzb_accqp8il — *Braves General Manager John Coppolella was informed six weeks into his new job that he is expected to field a major league team in 2016.*

ATLANTA, GA—Braves officials were taken by surprise earlier this afternoon when a league official informed the team…

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Putative Humor · Recaps 2015

Waiting For Fredot

July 25, 2015 by Seat Painter

WAITING FOR FREDOT

Camerogon: (Is sitting on second base, struggling with his cleats)

Markakimir (enters). “Ah, there you are!”

Camerogon. Yes. As I have been since I don’t know…

Markakimir: New York?

Camerogon: Yes, I suppose.

Markakimir: May one inquire where Your Mightiness spent the night?

Camerogon: On second. I’m waiting…

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Decisions · Precaps · Putative Humor

Not That We Care: a guide to the playoffs, part 3

October 3, 2014 by Sam Hutcheson

Life is hard.

Oh, sure, it’s easy to say “we should go kill the the Nazis!” I mean, Captain America was made to kill Nazis, right? But then you end up in this place where you have to be like, “ah, nah man; Stalin’s a totes bro. He just gets a lot of bad press from the haterz.” And then Josef’s…

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Bravessaga · Player Analysis 2013 · Putative Humor

El Oso Blanco (by Smitty)

January 18, 2014 by Smitty

Evan Gattis is not just a great baseball player. He is the greatest human being ever.

1845: El Oso Blanco publishes the rules of baseball.

1879: Assists Thomas Edison in inventing the light bulb.

1903: After years of attempting to launch the first airplane, the Wright Brothers contact Gattis, who promptly…

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Game Threads 2013 · Putative Humor

Joe Simpson’s New Play by Play Partner Game Thread, May 25 (by JonathanF)

May 26, 2013 by Alex Remington (Another Alex R.)

Annals of Sports Journalism

The following is the transcript of an aborted experiment in which Fox Sports attempted to expand its ratings in the Moneyball demographic. We’ll never know whether or not it would have worked, or indeed whether or not there is a Moneyball demographic. Too bad. In any case, for one untelevised game, Fox paired Joe Simpson with Magnus Saberhead,…

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Player Analysis · Putative Humor

Because you’d hate to have two games in a row to start the season…

April 2, 2013 by Sam Hutcheson

So, there’s no Braves baseball game today, because Selig. Which means there will be no “game thread” per se today. So, in lieu of that, here’s a link to the inaugural episode of the new Braves podcast that Alan Honeycutt and I are doing. We call it “The Circle Change” and we curse, overhype Evan Gattis and talk about peyote and Dan Uggla’s…

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Putative Humor

Serendipity

October 14, 2012 by Alex Remington (Another Alex R.)

Sent by an eagle-eyed reader.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Putative Humor

HANK STEINBRENNER BUYS METS

April 1, 2011 by Mac Thomason

After a purchase by Kansas City Royals outfielder Jeff Francoeur fell through due to Francoeur’s inability to determine where the lines for his signature were, New York Mets owners the Wilpon family have agreed to sell a majority stake in the team immediately to New York Yankees co-owner and Senior Vice President Henry G. “Hank” Steinbrenner. Terms were undisclosed but were expected to…

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