ANNOUNCER: From Kansas City, it’s the Jeff Francoeur show, starring Jeff Francoeur! I’m your announcer, Melky Cabrera, and tonight, Jeff’s guests are: Miley Cyrus! Verne Troyer! And The Baseball Project! And now, stand and cheer, here’s Jeffy!
Presumably he’ll be drowning his sorrows in milkshakes. The Braves didn’t have to make a decision on him yet (unlike Saito, whose contract stipulated his release) but they just couldn’t wait to get rid of Melky.
I want to go to the World Series. Against the Yankees. Not just because I want to go to the World Series, but because I’d want to see game three, when all the Yankee fans gasp in horror at what they see when Melky waddles out onto the field.
I have realized that Melky Cabrera has, in one short season, reached a standard previously only reached by Dan Kolb and Jeff Francoeur. He has moved beyond Whipping Boy status to become the official Braves Journal Bête Noire. This means that insults and jokes about this player may pop up in any circumstance, no matter whether it is relevant. Sarcastic poll answers are…
The Giants were originally stationed in New York, but were ejected in 1957 for lewd behavior and disgusting personal habits.
While Tim Lincecum is a well-known pothead, in fact all of the Giants’ starting pitchers are drug users. Barry Zito eats peyote, Matt Cain uses oxycontin, and Jonathan Sanchez drinks a bottle of Robitussin before every start.